Just a little time here folks, I need some time to warm up to ya'll. I can talk to almost anyone. My son always got upset with me when we went tot he store, probably why he stopped going in with me and set in the car and smoked. By the time we got to the register several people had talked to me and once the cashier was telling me about her abusive boyfriend and was in tears. Always people I didn't know. My son said I had a neon sign on my forehead that said 'talk to me'. But I try to be happy even in the worse times. When he was little (even now when he is 26) I would sing to him in the store and dance down the isles. Drives him crazy! NO I am not insane, just enjoying life while I can. Why walk around with a sad face or my nose in the air? Smile at everyone, say hi. Help someone reach something on a top shelf they can't get, pick something up and hand it to someone if they dropped it. I love doing little things for people and if one out of five are happy, I am happy.
OK, more about WHO I am. I am 48 (just turned), but I hardly ever feel that age. But then how is someone 48 supposed to feel?? I love photography, and I am working on a couple books at this time (although I have been working on one of them for quite some time!). Life has been, at the least, interesting for me. Never a dull moment, although I sure wished many times it would have been. I will get into that over time!!! I am a survivor and not a victim anymore. Was married at 19 to a very abusive man who was 28. He beat me, mentally, sexually, verbally assaulted me and forced me to get pregnant. ( I love my son more than life once I was pregnant!) Then he moved me away from my family where I couldn't call them. One day he went too far and threatened to kill our son if I ever left him. I went to a nearby store the next day and begged to use their phone and was gone before he got home. But as alot of women do, I went right into a second abusive marriage. That one left me with arthritis in my back and almost dead one night. A drunken fist in the semi darkness of the kitchen right after I said 'Please don't'. It spun me in a 360* putting my knees through the cabinet doors. Before I could hit the floor he had me by the shirt and slammed me into the pantry door then onto the floor. A bright light flashed into my eyes (but there was no light in the room). In an instant he was sitting on my with my arms pinned at my sides and his hand on my throat. I just looked at him, the drunken rage... I couldn't fight back and the only thought I had was 'this is it, I'm going to die'. Everything went black. ( did I mention he is 6'6" and 250 lbs) When I woke up he was standing over me, just looking at me. He walked to the over room and called a friend of his (an EMT) and said 'I almost killed her, you better get here'. Came back in the room, scooped me up, carried me to the couch and he went upstairs to the bedroom. Well, the friend came in and tried to get me to the hospital, I couldn't move my head for days and he said I could have lost my vision from the trauma to my head. But I knew going there would mean alot of questions. I left him a few years later. Live and learn. I know he was a good man without the alcohol. But I couldn't wait for that day to come. I've gone through much abuse and many other traumatic events that have caused me to have PTSD. Losing my mother suddenly in my arms in a Dr office. A car accident, A good man that I would have married was killed in 1981, a boyfriend was killed in 1998 on my birthday. Yeah, but like I said, smile and and be thankful for the day we have..
I'm sorry I got off onto OLD stuff way back then... I will do better and try to stay on track next time. Was just trying to give some background on who I am and what made me this way.. You don't know what that stranger might have gone through ~ smile at them, say Hi ....
No comments:
Post a Comment