Haven't been able to sleep at night so I've been awake till 5:00 am, sometimes 6:00, most every night (morning). Back up between 9:00 and noon. The pain in my neck and back makes it impossible to just set up sometimes in the morning and I have to roll off the bed to get up. ~ actually it's a daybed. My bedroom is not big enough for a regular bed.. So many things have happened the past 3 months that sometimes I just don't feel I can deal with it all. My grandma passing away in Nov. I sat and watched her starve to death for 9 days until God took her home. A month later a very close friend passed away. I saw a 12 year old girl beaten that I've known all her life. My lawyer dropped my case 3 weeks ago saying they don't have enough evidence now. ( I have all the hospital tests for the TBI and disk damage in my neck) A case I have been waiting for, only for 2 YEARS!! I have no money coming in. My photography business is going nowhere because I don't know anyone and have no money to advertise. I never know from one day to another how much pain I will be in. I can't go to the hospital because I have tattoos and around here that is a label that you are a drug addict and they won't give me what I need for my pain because they 'think' I am a drug addict. I can't go to a Dr because I don't have any income. NO I can't get a medical card because I have no under age children. Can't get HUD, again because I have no income. The damage that was done to my brain has affected my ability to retain what I read. Three years ago I was a Marketing manager, just promoted to office manager the day of my accident, a photographer and secretary for an overseas wine importing operation. Now I get confused talking to friends!! Have to use spell check for simple words. But there is nothing that can be done????? I try to not get depressed over this craziness but I can see how easy it is for people to end up on the street and homeless now. At the same time I was doing everything, I also owned a painting company. My son and ex boyfriend worked there. I did too on weekends and in a pinch. I loved it. We even painted homes for Kwame Brown, (who used to play for the LA Lakers) and a horse barn for Davis Love III (the golf pro) !! ooooWOW.. and here I am not even able to pay my bills. I don't have credit card bills, loan payments and all that. So don't think I was one of those who run up alot of credit charges. Not feeling sorry for myself either.... I feel blessed that I still have a home and food on the table! Sometimes I just get really overwhelmed by everything. Today was one of those days.....
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